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Baby Teeth

from Emergency Contacts by Tracy Manuel

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lyrics

I used the last of my powers
trying to sing you to sleep
now there isn’t a thing left for you
and there sure as hell isn’t a thing left for me

we were only apart by three hours
might as well have been weeks
caught in some fraying invisible spiderweb
tying your phone still on speaker to me

and I sat with your breathing
so recently seething
it was mercy to me

I can only halfheartedly blame you
to do what you did
drank red 'till you blacked out
and blew up, look back now —
oh, isn't it funny what gutted me then?

you know, it's alright if you're angry
if that's the closest that you feel to okay,
if you need it to burn through
the memories that hurt you
then darling, I don't wanna stand in your way

but I'm not gonna thank
who you've had to survive
for how you've climbed through the ranks
and still made good on your life
and if when you held me
you only held me in spite
of being built up and torn down again and again
at least hundreds of thousands of times

then I think that's alright

if we'd walked through the same halls,
who you think I'd have been then?
courageous or wasted or ragey or jealous
at who's walking 'round with your baby teeth in them?

but these days, nothing's forgiven
remember me there in your kitchen
in a calorie deficit, wasting away again,
afraid that we would or would not make amends again

but I won't pretend again
we'd last a weekend again
and time cannot mend again
it's just taken a friend again
now my nerves have been julienned
but I know my medicine
and I wanna see you lay into them
wanna do right by you, stand by you, then again

you did fine
giving them lip
bruise on your ribcage, scab on your wrist
motrin tab melting inside of your fist
scream down the hallways, don't settle for this
but back then, you'd already learned not to wince
at all of the teachings you took on the chin
charades of protecting some maimed innocence
and I hate what they did to you
look what I did

so this one's for you, dear
it's all I can do here
in this world a soft, blue sphere
of old bitemarks and new tears
and pity flows through here
and I choke on it too, dear
but didn't we meet here
where you cut your teeth, dear?

where you cut your teeth
down to the pink
left at the bars
rattled in drinks
thrown at the stars
strung up like beads
slid down your arm
buried like seeds
in somebody's heart
turning your cheek
clenching your jaw
brace for the swing
and lean into the fall
take what you need
it's just dark before dawn
if you're starting to bleed
it's just dark before dawn
there's nothing to see
dark before dawn
don't look back for me
it's just dark before dawn
you know you should be free
it's just dark before dawn

don’t bite hands that feed
but when they're done, take the arm

credits

from Emergency Contacts, released October 13, 2020

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Tracy Manuel Davis, California

SiNgEr-sOnGwRiTeR

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